January 06, 2004, 9:06 a.m.
Seeing Is Believing
France2 gets creative with Saddam's capture.

By Nidra Poller

I'm afraid that if you didn't see the December 18, 2003, episode of Envoyé Spécial on France2, you won't believe what follows. I saw it, and I'm not sure I believe it myself. The program was touted during prime-time news as the full story of the arrest of Saddam Hussein. Aha!, I thought. Let's see how they are going to tell it, or spin it, or doctor it.

It was doctored all right. The original version of the special — announced in that week's TV guides — was bumped. You can understand why: By December 18, this special on the difficulties (or, more accurately, the impossibility) of finding Saddam had a shelf life of minus four days. Yet with atmosphere shots of the Tigris at sunset — and an American colonel, with an Arab falcon on his wrist, standing in beautifully angled sunlight on the terrace of a fabulous palace — the special was just too good to be scrapped outright. And who could turn down its superb military analysis? Of course that colonel will never find his quarry: All those GIs in top-secret operations rooms staring into computer screens are no match for Saddam.

So the special was "updated."

Believe it or not, the film was intended to show (oops!) that the Americans couldn't find Saddam. Then, due to unforeseen circumstances, it had to be quickly touched up and remarketed as the "real" story of how they found him. The original was made some time ago, and in the Ousama bin Laden toujours introuvable spirit: "They can't find bin Laden, they can't find Saddam, their soldiers are getting picked off like ducks in a shooting gallery, nobody wants them in the 'hood." Scenes of GIs armed to the teeth, searching vainly for the intrepid leader, are interspersed with shots of seething, loyal tribesmen who swear by their mustaches that no one will betray Saddam. I think I recognized some of the hotheads who turned up in newsreels that week. They're shouting and screaming, "Saddam forever!" and "We'll slit the Americans' throats!" when suddenly an Iraqi policeman comes up, grabs a guy by the arm, and drags him to the hoosegow.

That's now. But when this French film was shot, the Saddamites got the best lighting, the best billing, the most attention, and the fullest respect — after all, they were just defending their homeland against the Occupation. At one point a GI is briefing a small patrol that will head into town with him. We hear him say in English, "We're going to try to make friends." In the French translation, this becomes "We're going to look for informers."

We also learn that Nataf, the guy who snitched on Uday and Qusay, was disowned by his family. We get an on-site, eyewitness account of the fallout from his dastardly betrayal from the baker across the street, who unwittingly provided bread to Saddam's sons in their hideout. It was, as you can imagine, terrible: all that firepower, all that destruction. As if it wasn't enough to kill the poor boys, they razed the house too: Look, here's where it stood. A blind wall. A cute little toddler standing against it, the picture of innocence. Later, the assembled tribal leaders show us the letter where the family swears that they had nothing to do with the betrayal, and will have nothing more to do with the traitor. A man with a keffieh turban says that you couldn't get an Iraqi to betray Saddam at any price, not even two million dollars.

But then the voice-over comments: "A few days later, Saddam would be found."

If I had any doubts about the intentions of the first film, they were resolved by the second. A full-screen Old Glory flapping in the wind segues into a major exposé of the lies that justified the war. WMDs? What WMDs? There are none, there were none, and everyone knew it.

The American flag pops up at regular intervals throughout this super-dramatic political sleuth show. It isn't graffitied with swastikas like it was in the jihadist antiwar demonstrations last year in Paris, but it is definitely sullied. And the bad guys don't need black hats: They are clearly marked by clever camera work that flattens their faces and drains the color, giving them a macabre Halloween look. And they are always shown in power situations: at the U.N. Security Council, in the hallway of the CIA building, lying to the Senate. Their entries are filmed in slow motion — as if they could be frozen into admitting the truth — and accompanied by horror-film music to make your heart beat faster. The point is, this war was justified by deliberately false accusations about Iraq's WMDs. That was the only justification, the whole argument, and it was a lie.

The villains are photographed at their worst in dehumanizing close-ups. The finger-pointers, on the other hand, walk through tree-shaded gardens, enter their homes through beautiful glass doors, sit intelligently in front of double-barreled bookshelves and tell us how Bush lied, because Cheney lied, because Tenet lied, and told Powell to lie, and dragged America into this senseless war. Each in turn is filmed with hushed respect: Hans Blix, Greg Thielman, and Joe Wilson, among others, tell the truth about the liars. These charming scenes with truth-tellers are interspersed with crescendo passages of the liars. And, as in the hunting-for-Saddam film that preceded it, the WMD-lies-investigation special has been updated with a few words about the insignificant matter of Saddam's arrest. The splicing is so obvious, you can almost see the masking tape.

An antiwar demonstration on the Washington Mall gets big billing, with special focus on families of soldiers (all two of them), who say, "Bring our boys back home!" and ask, "What are we doing there?" Scenes of uranium barrels in Niger, with some clever Google searching added for good measure, prove that the purported Iraqi-purchasing contract was a fake. The Stars and Stripes come in for a quick flap, and the whole affair is wound up in the heart of the American Enterprise Institute, naturally.

The film's "investigation" closes on the Iwo Jima monument, and explains that significant battles are engraved on its base. And what of the war in Iraq? Will it be a source of pride? Will the results wipe out the dishonor of the lies that led to it? Or, if GIs continue to die, will it be remembered as a terrible disgrace?

After the questions, there's one last cameo for Old Glory, and then the film's over and out.

Now we are back in the studios, and two well-groomed, rapacious anchorwomen are eliciting the last word from a young man named Philippe. Unfortunately I didn't get his last name; maybe he's the producer of the show, or of the films. Philippe explains to the birdy ladies that it is impossible to undertake any honest investigation on the subject in the United States today. The whole thing is taboo, the whole field is fenced in, the doors are locked tight. But you can be sure that this affair will be exploited in the current election campaign. And watch out! Howard Dean, who has been unstinting in his opposition to the war, made a phenomenal rise to prominence and favor in the Democratic camp.

Did you get that? Tremble in your boots, George W. Bush. You might not be aware of it, but a good portion of the French public, unhampered by your muzzled press, knows that Howard Dean is packing a punch you'll be hard put to parry. The truth will come out! And maybe, says Philippe, if American soldiers keep getting killed over there.... Well, you understand, Bush: Your goose will be cooked.

Cut.

So, if you want to know how the French swallowed the capture of Saddam Hussein, Envoyé Spécial is a good indication. Like a serial philanderer whose current affair gets busted: It wasn't supposed to pan out that way, but we're not going to let this minor incident spoil our fun.

— Nidra Poller is a novelist living in Paris and translator, most recently, of Humanism of the Other.

Poor Froggy, keep digging the hole you're in ! LMAO !

So the real reason to keep the french language prominent is not for culture, but for control of the french sheeple.

Dear illusionary froggy. The room is not spinning it is france going down the toilet.

You mean to tell me that our best ally and friend, France, is spooing anti-American hate speech out of their mouths. No, it just can't be. All this time I thought they really loved us. Shucks! Oh well, I guess that is why we always say, "FUCK FRANCE!"

Thank you Aussie Steel, for posting that brilliant précis of the December 18, 2003, episode of Envoyé Spécial on France2.

This, surely, must become required reading for all students of journalism.

Yup, I think this sums up very well the pervasive view of the French chattering classes: that Americans are incompetent, amoral boobs who couldn't find the bottom of a paper bag, let alone somebody as wily as Saddam.
Success is the best revenge.

Lets just invade france!!! Our Salvation Army is available now Christmas is over. They should be more than enough to conquer froggyland.

We can always back up the SA with a troop of girl scouts armed with firecrackers. Although that would be overkill.

What a pathetic joke. France is not a free country.

We are dealing with a group of seriously delusional life forms. Just another reason to NEVER, EVER, EVER be friends with or trust france. Seriously, what the fuck is the matter with these pricks?

If the earth had a butthole it would be france, and it's time to wipe.

FUCK FRANCE!!

partakes of too much of the green fairy. One begins to take "absinthe" of one's mental faculties.

Wormwood
Artemisia Absinthium is the chief flavouring ingredient, native to Europe and Asia.; other aromatic ingredients include aniseed, licorice, hyssop, fennel, angelica root, star aniseed... Wormwood is a long-lived plant, with greyish-green leaves and the flowers have a greenish-yellow tint, and like leaves give off a strong aromatic odor and are bitter to the taste. Thujone is a toxic chemical present in wormwood and has a similar molecular geometry with THC, the active chemical in cannabis

The best one was when the douche bag anchorman had an Iraqi refugee as his guest before the US led liberation.

The anchorman was yelling at the Iraqi because the Iraqi actually wanted the Americans to liberate his country.

I wish I had taped it. It was a true classic!

That's nothing AussieSteel. I'm surprised nobody reported this:

I watched the france2 LeJournal News on Veteran's Day (Armistice day there).

They had a rather lengthy report about WW1, they listed the number of french, German and British casualties of that "war to end all wars". Not only did they not list any US casualties, THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO MENTION WHATSOEVER that the United States was even involved in World War I!!!!

Talk about revisionism. If not for it's sadness it would be amusing.

I am awaiting other French news stories. Here are the proposed headlines:

"Despite 10% unemployment, France still has a strong economy. America lags at 6%"

"Khaddafi bows to UN pressure on WMD. British and American diplomats in awe of Mulitilateralism"

"Iranians weep as American Aid Workers leave; Won't you convert to Islam?, they cry."

"North Koreans demand tribute from U.S. Offers fig leaf of Disarmerment and Inspections as Face Saving Ploy for outmanuvered Americans."

And they say Fox News is biased.

I am awaiting other French news stories. Here are the proposed headlines:

"Despite 10% unemployment, France still has a strong economy. America lags at 6%"

"Khaddafi bows to UN pressure on WMD. British and American diplomats in awe of Mulitilateralism"

"Iranians weep as American Aid Workers leave; Won't you convert to Islam?, they cry."

"North Koreans demand tribute from U.S. Offers fig leaf of Disarmerment and Inspections as Face Saving Ploy for outmanuvered Americans."

And they say Fox News is biased.

The Frenchies have certainly earned another Goebbel's Award for Telling Big Lies Often Enough. Sure, maybe this particular propaganda piece didn't play out like they'd hoped it would, but they get an A for effort in trying to rewrite recent history.

Amazing, simply amazing. The frog idiots constantly complain that Fox news is some sinister neocon propaganda machine(which is completely false) and at the same time they have this Pravda on the Seine spewing out garbage like this. Sale race indeed.

If the earth had a butthole it would be france, and it's time to wipe.

No, you're wrong ... a butthole is a necessary thing. It's the *stuff* coming out of it that most resembles the french therefore, UNnecessary.

Where are the "proud" Frenchmen on this string? Why havent they come to the defense of France2?

Simply, its because Froggy is learning (slowly) that we have been right all along and they have been living a lie.

Note to Froggy: Even though movies always show wrist slitting across the wrists, its actually more effective to slit DOWNWARD. Oh yeah, do it in a warm bath - that helps too.

Fuck France

Has Froggy lost his nerve? Where are all the "proud" Frenchmen on this string? I think time, logic, and facts have finally worn on Froggy and he has realized what a pathetic piece of easily led garbage he has been. It must be horribly painful when you come to realize you have lived a lie.

Note to Froggy: When slitting yours wrists, dont go across the wrist as is depicted in many movies. Slit in a DOWNWARD motion, it is much more effective. Ah, and oh yes, lie in a bath tub full of warm water - that helps too.

Fuck France!

Simply amazing post. I knew FROG media was worse than anything from the old Communists, but this is pathetic! SALE RACE, INDEED! Just more proof of how right I have always been and will continue to be when it comes to FROG SHEEP! How does it feel to be called out in front of the world, FROG shitheads?? WE OWN YOU and the world is watching you (and your fabulous lies)!

"If the earth had a butthole it would be france"

Truer words have yet to be spoken. Such an excellent, conscise, and so americanly BRIEF summation.

Thank you for my new anti france sig line!

FUCK FRANCE FOREVER AND RECTALLY

I propose a prayer for all those French souls who believe in the Truth (that they are being dominated by liberal, atheist wannabe Wahhabis).

I knew a French guy who despised socialists and Muslims and was with the U.S. in its war on terror -- but he was only one person and represented a minority view in France and the rest of Western Europe... A pearl in a bucket of goat excrement.

Let us pray for the minority of right-thinking Franks and Spainiards and Germans, who acknowledge God and understand that we are entering an age of religious/cultural wars, led by the Old Glory, which is, libs take note, still ONE NATION UNDER GOD.

The kind of fasco-socialist propaganda mentioned above is just a small slice of the sickness pervading the liberal/wannabe Wahhabi world stretching from Paris-NY. The more dangerous propaganda is the more subtle kind of propaganda propagated by so-called papers of record, like the NYT. Beware and be strong...

partakes of too much of the green fairy. One begins to take "absinthe" of one's mental faculties.

Wormwood
Artemisia Absinthium is the chief flavouring ingredient, native to Europe and Asia.; other aromatic ingredients include aniseed, licorice, hyssop, fennel, angelica root, star aniseed... Wormwood is a long-lived plant, with greyish-green leaves and the flowers have a greenish-yellow tint, and like leaves give off a strong aromatic odor and are bitter to the taste. Thujone is a toxic chemical present in wormwood and has a similar molecular geometry with THC, the active chemical in cannabis

Watch it elconq, that stuff is good

If you're ever in Prague, you should try it. Burns like hell though.

OMG Big Daddy Cruz, that is the joke I came up with when the french pussies refused to back up Resolution 1441. The Salvation Army went to France and the French surrendered it got big hoots at work with my conservative friends. Guess great minds think alike at least the Frog hating ones.