French Military History in a Nutshell
The Complete Military History of France

- Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

-Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

-The Dutch War - Tied

-War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

-War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

-World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?" but rather "How long until France collapses?" "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

www.funforwards.com . . .

Vietnam (DEFEAT)
Korea (HALF-DEFEAT)
Indepandance war: if France hasn't come to rescue ure asses, u would be what u were: peasants at the service of her Majesty Queen of England!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
!!!!

But and strangely (from what you wrote)

1- third military power
2- fifth economic power
3- first health system in the world (WHO rank)
4- universal health system
5- we work 35h/week and most of us get 10 weeks of vacations
6- most visited country in the world (72 millions people)
7- so well living country
8- culturaly and politicaly extremely influent
9- member of G7
10- permanent menber of security council
11- one of the best educational system (can't be compare
with american one which is one of the worst)
12- free university in france

and so on

But mainly, France refuses to kill innocent people. I forgot !
You should learn your history again... and not watching fox
news all your day long. Open up !

Fred

Hum .. since how many time the "goodness" of a country can be mesure by war acts, violence acts, massacres, killing people?

where do you come from ? another minority aryan political movement ? it s really pathetic to consider these shit as heroism, bravour act etc etc

If all of you think like this, OUR world ll be quickly erase by fucking dumbass...




i m french; i doesn t consider my countre as the better country of the world (and fortunately, in many points, france sux). But somme ppl in this forum seem to come from past age.




____
monsieur_n
étudiant en arts appliqués
____

1) Punishing tax rates - 41% for most tax payers????
2) Shrinking GDP - and public expediture are *46%* of GDP?!?!?! why don't you guys just take it *all* away????
3) Awash in debt - what we can' tax we borrow???
4) Declining birth rate - I think its less than 0.3% now?
5) High unemployment - 9-10% for last 5-10 years? And that "free" college is great when you can't find a job - isn't it?
6) You leave out details on socialized medicine disaster such as rationing - WHO are BIG fans of socialized medicine!!! They also love Cuba...
7) Floods of immigrants
8) Increasing crime rates
9) On fifth republic, sixth soon to come - They should just go back to Monarchy.
10) Per capita income less than US - 2002 - US:$36,200 vs FR:$24,400 (World Almanac)

France was down to #40 in the Wall Street Journal index of economic freedom... see cf.heritage.org . . . for all the bloody details...

Yea, it's heaven on earth baby!!! You keep living there - and paying for it!!!

EUROPEAN UNIONS RULEZ
AFTER RUSSIA JOINS THE UNION ,EUROPE IS INVINCIBLE
THEN THE FIRST THING WE DO IS :
- INVADE THE USA
- EXTERMINATE ALL THE AMERICANS SETTLERS
- PUT THEM IN DIFFERENTS CAMPS AND SORTS THEM BY ORIGINS
(ENGLISH WITH ENGLISH , ITALIANS WITH ITALIANS, ETC)
-BURNS THEM AND GAZ THEM

GOD BLESS GOOD OLD EUROPE!!!
AMEN

RENAULT HAS 60% SHARE OF NISSAN
CARLOS GOHSN (A FRENCH) IS NISSAN CEO
NISSAN IS NUMBER 3 CAR MAKER IN USA

EUROPEAN UNION GDP IS 5 TIME USA GDP
1 EURO = 1,15 DOLLARS

UNIVERSAL STUDIO AND UNIVERSAL STUDIOS PARKS IN ORLANDO ARE 100% FRENCH (OWNED BY FRENCH COMPANY VIVENDI UNIVERSAL)
EACH TIME YOU LISTEN TO MADONNA YOU PAY TO A FRENCH COMPANY

CAP GEMINI ERNST AND YOUNG IS FRENCH AND IT IS THE NUMBER ONE IT CONSULTING COMPANY

ALL THE BEST BUSINESS SCHOOL ARE IN FRANCE INSEAD NUMBER ONE IN BUSINESS WEEK RANKING OF MBA

USA YOU HAVE NO HISTORY NO CULTURES YOU ARE A BUNCH OF SETTLERS AND REDNECKS

USA IS NOTHING NOW THE NEW ECONOMY IS EUROPE AND JAPAN
JAPAN HAS SO MANY INVESTMENTS IN USA IF JAPAN GO BANKRUPCY USA IS LIKE PAKISTAN

MILITARY : EUROPE HAS 3 NUCLEARS POWERS , EADS : THE NUMBER ONE MILITARY COMPANY WITH THE EURO FIGHTER AND EURO COPTER AND THE DAY RUSSIA JOINS USA IS LIKE A LITTLE 3RD WORLD SHIT

CONCLUSION : USA IS NOTHING . ITS JUST A BUNCH OF SETTLERS AND REDNECKS . SO WHY WORRY SO MUTCH... AND JUST LOL WHEN THEY LL ALL DIE AND WHEN THEY WILL BE INVADED BY EUROPE!!!

*USA IS NOTHING*, yes they're something as natural born stealers i think because true americans are in parcs now & they've lost their territories for ever

Who besides France listens to Madonna anymore? And please the French Mirage? Do they even fly?

Uhmmm, I think Germany and France use Iraq's oil more then anyone. Who's the real country worried about Iraq's oil?

Vietnam (DEFEAT)
Korea (HALF-DEFEAT)
Indepandance war: if France hasn't come to rescue ure asses, u would be what u were: peasants at the service of her Majesty Queen of England!


Damn, WRONG ON ALL!! LOL!! More uneducated FROG ASSHOLES! If anybody wants to debate any of these conflicts, let me know!

Well, it's nice to see that the Americans here have a sense of humour even if they lack a sense of irony. Speaking of the French as being prone to surrender is a little rich coming from a country whose army was basically a mob with a few rusty muskets until the French intervened in their war of independence and defeated the ros-bifs for them.

The previous generation in France suffered deprivations that would have soft fat Americans waddling whimpering across the border into Canada or Mexico. Just because you have a big army doesn't make you tough. Most of you couldn't walk 100m down the street without running out of breath.

Is mise le meas,
Fear Eireannach.

Uhmmm, I think Germany and France use Iraq's oil more then anyone. Who's the real country worried about Iraq's oil?

Most truthful post on this page!! Damn, TRUTH HURTS FROGS!!

WE ALL KNOW IT!!

FROGGY = SADDAM'S OIL!!

Well, it's nice to see that the Americans here have a sense of humour even if they lack a sense of irony. Speaking of the French as being prone to surrender is a little rich coming from a country whose army was basically a mob with a few rusty muskets until the French intervened in their war of independence and defeated the ros-bifs for them.

Your sense of history is as good as your sense of hygiene... PATHETIC, you little, stinky fuckhole!



The previous generation in France suffered deprivations that would have soft fat Americans waddling whimpering across the border into Canada or Mexico.

LOL!! Yeah, right! WE ARE NOT COWARDS AND SISSIES, like the FROGS, who brought every situation on themselves! Not our fault they love NAZI DICKS!


Just because you have a big army doesn't make you tough.

Sure it does!


Most of you couldn't walk 100m down the street without running out of breath.

Why don't you come over here, little fag, and see what happens when you say that to somebody's face! LOL! PUSSY!!!

Thanks 'FUCKFRANCE!' Loved this one! You said it so well and this is in ode to you!




antifrench: I do enjoy reading Andrew Sullivan a lot. One of my favorite British writers, currently out there. I must have missed this article, but am very happy that you posted it here. Like you said, it was an excellent piece and spoke volumes for how things are when it comes to the French. I just had a few comments to make about the French being our "oldest allies."

Sullivan writes: "In the war of independence, France was America’s key ally against the British. Both republics point to the Enlightenment as their founding influences."

Well, yes and no. Key ally? Which France?

While there's been a single continuous United States (minus problems and seperations before the Civil War started and ended) since 1787, there have been a lot of different Frances. The France of Napoleon was completely different from the France of Louis XVIII, which was different again from the France of the bumbling Louis Napoleon. The France that fought WWI was not the same as Vichy, which was different than the France of De Gaulle (or rather, the Frances of De Gaulle, since there have been two).

The France that aided the American colonies in their struggle against England did not do so because of any love for the Americans; it did so to weaken its biggest political and economic rival in Europe. That was done by Louis XVI, by the way, husband of the famous Marie Antoinette. It was the result of what is probably the most important single piece of diplomacy in the history of our nation, when our ambassador to France, a guy named Ben Franklin, convinced the King to use the French fleet against the British. The victory at Yorktown owes as much to Franklin as it does to Washington, because the French fleet prevented the RN from evacuating the British forces surrounded there and thus permitted Washington to complete his successful siege and win the last major battle of the Revolution and capture the British forces there.

But it's difficult to see just what that has to do with the current French government. The Fourth Republic was established in 1945, and it lasted 12 years. We're on the Fifth Republic, not to mention at least four monarchs, in France since the American Revolution. Given that each of those governments repudiated some or all of the previous ones, the current French government has nothing to do with the one that helped us.

And Chirac is not, shall we say, the spiritual descendant of Lafayette. Not hardly. You're right, France is a "sellout" nation in every way.

Just a thought.

Le post de "Ocnus" est débile. N'importe quelle nation avec ce palmarès n'existerait même plus. Le pire c'est qu'il doit y croire

Chirac is substantially increasing investment in the army. French intelligence is among the best in Europe. We actually sent warnings to the US before 9/11.

Just a problem. What's the point of outlining french military history, then saying that we are not the same france we were 50 years ago? If this makes Lafayette obsolete, does it not relegate past wars as well?

Let's check out the US military history:

Geez it appears that the people here (US/Brits and French) really really seem to hate eachother. I bet many of you have never even been to the country that you hate so much.

You really should consider experiencing a people and their culture before assuming they are all lazy/stupid/fat/cowardly etc etc. As an air force brat I have had the privelege of traveling the world and have been to France. Really the people there aren't that bad and although they have a different culture from ours, it doesn't make it "bad". I found most of the people to be quite friendly and civilized actually, believe it or not.

The only problem I have with France has nothing at all to do with it's people. It has everything to do with it's government. The actions of the French government over the last few months are simply rediculous. They are actively trying to obstruct a US led incentive to go to war with Iraq, despite the fact that they have the evidence the inspections are failing. Despite the fact that Iraq has violated the VERY strict terms of resolution 1441 by not being fully compliant. Despite the fact that they wouldn't even have to do the fighting. They veil their true reasons (billions of dollars in oil/trade interests and undermining a strong USA) with pacifism. Now I'm not saying the US government is perfect. I wouldn't be surprised if the oil giants were lobbying for the war to go forward, but that is not the point. The point is that the French led "pacifists" are quite handily turning the UN into a paper tiger and keeping a highly dangerous regime propped up for very bad reasons.

And as if that wasn't enough they are even obstructing the NATO protection of Turkey that they requested under article 4 of the NATO treaty. That means they fear *IMMINENT DANGER* to their country! Even if you don't like the US policy for war that does not excuse turning your back on an ally fearing for it's future. Doing so would remove France's right to be in NATO in my opinion.

I know that many of the French people here will immediately claim the American government is lying about everything, that there is no proof, and that the war will kill countless civilians for no reason. I understand the French people wish for it to be resolved peacefully and to contain Saddam but it simply can not and will not happen. Sometimes you just have to stand up and get things done when diplomacy doesn't work and when the alternative is too dire. That's something that America has a history of doing quite readily even in the face of international criticism. I know that this "cowboy" behavior annoys the hell out of most people (especially the French). But it's one of those things Americans do.

And when it is all said and done, the opposition will be thoroughly embarassed and lose significant stature in the international community. Personally, I believe we will be vindicated before the war even ends, when Saddam uses WMD on American and British troops. Will the French claim that our soldiers dying from these horrible weapons are made up stories by the US government? Even if the weapons are not used in the conflict (doubtful), what will they say when we find the anthrax, VX, and whatever else is hidden in that forsaken country? That inspectors could have found it in time? What will they say when we catch those Al-Qaeda operatives in Iraq and get the real story of their common interest in using terrorism to undermine the west from people in the Iraqi government?

I just hope that the damage being wrought to the UN and NATO are not permanent and that the US/UK led coalition somehow gets France to either abstain or by some act of god agree. Not because it's in MY interest OR the interest of the US. But because the UN should be the most powerful institution of international law and force in the world. And whether you like it or not, if the USA doesn't participate in it as the funder/enforcer, it loses much of it's power.

But hey, if France wants to kill their own voice in the world that is their choice. A choice they will deeply regret once the truth about Iraq is completely uncovered.

French Military History in a Nutshell
The Complete Military History of France

- Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

The war against Gauls : France didn't exist. in fact we are descendants of both the Gallics and the Romans. Anyway, Brittany didn't do better then Gauls, only Picts (Scotts) resisted.

- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

"Mostly Lost" Haha. Won of course. The end is the Castillon Battle of 1453 : end of the british presence in the south west of France, until the pacific invasion of british elders this last years.
Calais remained english until 1558. The duke of Guise got rid of the British after a 6 days campaign.


-Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Never heard of the "Furia francese" ? They were not wars against Italians but a subtile fight between prominents powers in Europe, especially France and Spain. The military result was zero for everybody. The cultural was great : italian renaissance led to french renaissance.


- Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

You know nothing. Even the term of Huguenot is anachronical. It was a civil war. It ended thanks to the great king (the greater I think) Henri the fourth.



- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

Huge ignorance. France ended the conflict, and won Lorraine and Alsace by the treaty of Westhalie (1648)



- War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

France won Lille and the most part of the actual département of Le Nord. Vauban began the construction of hundreds of fortresses qhich guaranteed what he called "le pré carré". France has almost today's shape.


-The Dutch War - Tied

What "dutch war", there have been dozens of dutch wars.

-War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

Tied, yes, the end of The Louis XIV reign was a mess.


-War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

France fought against almost all Europe (Austria, England, United Provinces) and lost territories it has just gained before.


- American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

A significative help to the young United States, a revenge on Great Britain.


- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

The opponent was also French : so Prussians, Austrians, Italians, British, Dutch at Valmy, Jemmapes, Hondschoote, Fleurus, Marengo, etc. were French, interesting on your ignorance level.


- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

Lost, the most terrible reign in France history. But his army was great and never surrendered, even in Waterloo.


- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

Lost, it lasted six mounths (july 1870 to january 1871). Paris and Belfort were besieged during mounths, with huge civilian casualties. They didn't surrender.


- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

I'm surprised you forget the British whose role was far more important then the United Statians. France lost 1,5 millions men (upon 8 millions soldiers and a total population of 40 millions)


-World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

You forget the Russian and Canadian, and of course the contribution of the free french


- War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

United States made better, as everybody knows.


- Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

The French army won the Algeria war. Algeria was set independant after a referendum. French people didn't want to keep it anymore (you can make a comparison with the British attitude in Ireland and other colonies)


- War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The French Intelligence Service is far more efficient on this matter than its United Statians counterpart. At least, in 1993, we avoided an air france airbus crash on Paris, and killed all the terrorists.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?" but rather "How long until France collapses?" "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."


You're just copying lies you don't even understand,

Sincerely,

RC

What is it going to take for people to understand that the French government IS NOT AGAINST THIS WAR. They merely feel that a stronger inspector delegation could, just maybe, do the job.

Is Irak an imminent threat? Will they draw WMD's in the coming days? There is little indication for this.

Actually, Hussein has been making concessions. US U2 planes will keep a close eye on Iraqi activities. Difficult for Iraq in these conditions to pop a "surprise attack".

French mirage will, by the way, accompany the US air force in this reconnaissance mission. The DeGaulle aircraft carrier is stationed in the gulf.

Last detail i've posted several times already: The french contingent in 1991 was the second in size after US, far beyong GB.

I hardly see what makes France a collaborator with the iraqi regime.

But mainly, France refuses to kill innocent people. I forgot !
You should learn your history again... and not watching fox
news all your day long. Open up ! !!!!

Of course Saddam won't launch a direct attack. But how exactly are we going to get "indicators" if Saddam gives a couple barrels of chem/bio agents to terrorists?

Yes I know he doesn't like terrorists, or they him, but as Bin Laden himself acknowledged yesterday, they are willing to put that aside since they hate America more than eachother.

You may be willing to wait until he gives them this stuff and they use it before you realize the threat is "imminent". I personally have family in NYC and San Francisco, and am *NOT* willing to allow that risk to sit there. Were I drafted tomorrow (I am educated. 3rd year in college) I would go, and if required DIE for that cause in order to secure the future of my country.

If the threat was on France, I would have no reason to object to you demanding immidiate disarmament or war. As each nation has a right to act in interests of it's own security if it is at significant risk. The potential loss of more than 1/5 of the population is "significant risk" in my book.

If we are wrong, we will pay for it. But the risk of being wrong does not outweigh the price of being right. I would rather remember president Bush as the man who hastily started a war than the man who allowed millions of Americans to die because of his inaction.

This is why we must act. And not France, China, or anyone else will stand in our way.

The question isn't over "a couple barrels". Terrorists do not need iraq to acquire a couple barrels of deadly chemicals. All they need to do is go to their local drugstore and read a few recipes on the net.

Disarming Iraq is over tons of chemicals and a nuclear program, given these do exist (as they probably do). Taking these out and handing them to terrorists will require logistics that the surveillance can detect.

What if you kill Saddam? Are you sure you will find the caches then? Or will they stay safely hidden in places known only to a few that escaped and hold a grudge against the US?

Are you really sure attacking is your greatest guarantee for safety? You should also consider the possibility that this war worsens US and US allies security problems as images of war will be used to feed hate against the west.

I didn't know you could buy smallpox, enriched uranium, or VX ingredients in the drugstore...

Oh and if you HONESTLY believe that a government run biological/chemical weapons program can't come up with something more effective than what you make at home then you arent thinking straight.

There is a BIG difference between a terrorist using something like Ricin or Anthrax vs. VX, radiological bomb, or a bio weapon. Hell, I could make a primitive chemical weapon in chemistry lab. But it wouldn't be able to kill everyone in Manhattan


<b>"Disarming Iraq is over tons of chemicals and a nuclear program, given these do exist (as they probably do). Taking these out and handing them to terrorists will require logistics that the surveillance can detect. "</b>


The amount of fissionable material required to make an atomic weapon/dirty bomb is the size of a grapefruit and a dirty bomb itself could fit in a backpack. The amount of a biological culture required to make a bio weapon fits on the head of a pin. The amount of VX required for a terrorist attack (at say a sporting even) would fit in 1 barrel.


<b>"Are you really sure attacking is your greatest guarantee for safety? You should also consider the possibility that this war worsens US and US allies security problems as images of war will be used to feed hate against the west."</b>


It will not guarantee safety, nothing will. But it removes one of the many threats out there. Personally, I think the US government should stop blindly supporting Israel and fix the damn problem over there as well as get rid of Saddam.