COMPLETE MILITARY HISTORY OF FRANCE


Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when NOT led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars -- when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flower pots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War - Tied.

War of the Augsburg League / King William's War / French and Indian War -Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.

American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

War Against Greenpeace - Lost. 1985, the Greenpeace ship Rainbow Warrior prepares to sail for Moruroa Atoll for a major campaign against French nuclear testing. Agents of the DGSE [secret service] bomb and sink the ship in Auckland Harbor. I tree-hugger sans tree drowns. Six weeks later agents Prieur and Mafart plead guilty to charges of manslaughter and willful damage. They get sentences of 10 years and 7 years. French Prime Minister Fabius admits to state terrorism on TV.

War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in
a McDonald's.

Look what I just googled!

letarsier59 wrote:

Stinkies getting their asses kicked by Mexicans!!!

Eheheh, only once their country was fully occupied, and to gain what ? 150 years of poverty, communism and coups.

On the good note, your fellow citizens enjoy on a daily basis to be assfucked by them and for a long, a very long time.

Stinky says what? Allah akbar shitbagistan. Enjoy the intafada.

FUCK france!

BigDaddyCruz wrote:

Look what I just googled!

OMFG!

That's what I thought!

You're just so "20th century".

Jump in the real world, and enjoy the information network.

Do you want me to teach you how to refresh your browser, or will djdv and madruski, the 18th century dinosaurs be able help you?

Fucking retards.

France is a pustule on the ass of humanity.

Ce thread sent le réchauffé et le gros con frustré...

notice that the americans who posted in this thread are the dumbest americans on FF.

I would rather have a Gay Parade in front of me than a Big Daddy Cruz behind me!

"The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving tortilla maker from Mexico with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old Brasilian prostitute named Roberto with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it."
.

ohmygawd wrote:

notice that the americans who posted in this thread are the dumbest americans on FF.

Yeah in typical arrogant eurolemming/french style your a real fucking genius. Fucking arrogant eurosnob cunts are brainwashed useful idiots.

FUCK france!

ohmygawd wrote:

notice that the americans who posted in this thread are the dumbest americans on FF.

Notice they ain't even real Americans. I hate hyphenated people, you can't ever trust them.

messicans, such as bdc, stink, this fact is proven, sailing around won't help much

This is pretty funny. The fat dago moron, unable to source his Patton quotation (since Patton of course never said or wrote anything of the kind) has produced an avalanche of recycled 5-year-old anti-French jokes as a smokescreen for his failure, aided and abetted by his fellow-morons (you know who you are!). It must have taken him ages, even if he did cut and paste everything from other moron-favoured sites. What a prize twat he is! It's too funny for words.

It's conclusive proof that wingnuts will continue to lie and bluster and obfuscate even when they've been proven wrong and refuted countless times: it's all that faith-based mentality which trumps reality. This is of course how American politicians come to power in the first place: all of them telling the same lies so often that electors start to think "there must be some truth in it if everybody else is saying so!".

It's also pretty funny how the preposterous dickhead abandoned the thread where he was getting owned repeatedly just to start this new one. Abso-fucking-lutely hilarious!

Ah well, that's enough time spent kicking his fat spic ass, I'm out of here...

WilyB wrote:

Notice they ain't even real Americans. I hate hyphenated people, you can't ever trust them.

Oh the irony...

Look, mum, I've owned them 7 times!
Mummy, they keep telling me I'm a cheater (and can't quote Patton) tell them I'm the best!

Mummy?

Here is your source, French fags!

Dr-Tortilla and Mini-Tostadita!

And know, music!

www.deezer.com . . .

Take the baseline out:
No? You dont have to... BOUNCE WITH IT!!

It's a hard knock life for us
It's a hard knock (yea) life for us
Steada treated we get tricked
Steada Free says we get kicked
Its a hard knock life

I dont know how to be no crib on MTV.
God only knows. Got my Mini-me in the GP see how it goes.

Evil's all that I see... you ask me my name? D to the Rizzo, E to the Vizzo, I to the Lizzo, I'm a crazy (its a hard knock
life) mother (beep) y'all knew that.

Austin caught me in the first act that's all backwords, whats with that?
So I'll make a prophesy from the dogs to the mini me.
Gimme an escalade, 2 way bling-bling on Ebay. Domino, mother (beep)

Its a hard knock life (yea) for us
Its a hard knock life
(stick that in your pipe and smoke it)for us.
Steada treated (uh huh) we get tricked
(this is for all my homies in Bruges)
Steada kisses we get kicked

It's a hard knock life (uh huh uh huh uh huh uh huh) for us
Its a hard knock life for us
Steada treated
(ah, crystal, my moto, a couple of behotches, why not?)
we get tricked
Steada Free says we get kicked
Its a hard knock life

I gotta busta move, droppin busta groove feeling fine.
Got an evil crew, Goldmember too. Lick my nine.
Till then, I'll (beep) on my (beep) grand up the (beep) ill call and I'll splooge in your (beep) thats all!
Fizzle my nizzle y'all.
(its a hard knock life)

This is a shout out to HOVA,
God MC...
You all know him, Thats Jay-Z!!
I met him!!
Well I saw him a restaurant once...
It's a hard knock life!

Stick that in your (beep)ing blunt and smoke it!
Yeah, I said Blunt!

Strange MadPopov link

malbarre wrote:

Strange MadPopov link

madpopov discovered how to post a link?

I can't believe you, filthy frAnch liar!

Hey, owned cocksucker, keep your homo affection to Ass-Stare. You can jerk off at the picture of dead Jooz together.

They are at it again.

Ok. I post it one more time for Truth never changes... Fuck you faggy chickenhawks of ff.com , the rendez-vous place of all the worst shitbrains of the US of A.

Let's go (without forgoting a huge hug to Gary from "The War Nerd" ...)


The War Nerd - October 2, 2003 (Gee !! 5 years already !)
The French
By Gary Brecher

The new big thing on the web is all these sites with names like "I Hate France," with supposed datelines of French military history, supposedly proving how the French are total cowards.

(…)

Well, I'm going to tell you guys something you probably don't want to hear: these sites are total bullshit, the notion that the French are cowards is total bullshit, and anybody who knows anything about European military history knows damn well that over the past thousand years, the French have the most glorious military history in Europe, maybe the world.
Before you send me more of those death threats, let me finish. I hate Chirac too, and his disco foreign minister with the blow-dry 'do and the snotty smile. But there are two things I hate more than I hate the French: ignorant fake war buffs, and people who are ungrateful. And when an American mouths off about French military history, he's not just being ignorant, he's being ungrateful. I was raised to think ungrateful people were trash.

(…)Now let's talk about ignorant. And that's what you are if you think the French can't fight: just plain ignorant. Appreciation of the French martial spirit is just about the most basic way you can distinguish real war nerds from fake little teachers'pets.

Verdun. Just that name was enough to make Frenchmen and Germans, the few who survived it, wake up yelling for years afterward. The French lost 1.5 million men out of a total population of 40 million fighting the Germans from 1914-1918. A lot of those guys died charging German machine-gun nests with bayonets. I'd really like to see one of you office smartasses joke about "surrender monkeys" with a French soldier, 1914 vintage. You'd piss your dockers.

Shit, we strut around like we're so tough and we can't even handle a few uppity Iraqi villages. These guys faced the Germans head on for five years, and we call them cowards? And at the end, it was the Germans, not the French, who said "calf rope."

Read full text here...

And best of all if you like to understand, BUY HIS BOOK Gary is a great mind. Just a bloody yanks as I like. Not on ff.com btw.

What are you trying to say, surrender monkey?

What dya want, my mad devochka ?

Ya think this might have had something to do w/Patton's "Francophile" nature?

Patton was a staunch believer in reincarnation, and much anecdotal evidence indicates that he held himself to be the reincarnation of the Carthaginian General Hannibal; a Roman legionnaire; a Napoleonic field marshal; and various other historic military figures.

www.biographybase.com . . .

GreyUhu wrote:

Ya think this might have had something to do w/Patton's "Francophile" nature?

Patton was a staunch believer in reincarnation, and much anecdotal evidence indicates that he held himself to be the reincarnation of the Carthaginian General Hannibal; a Roman legionnaire; a Napoleonic field marshal; and various other historic military figures.

www.biographybase.com . . .

Okay G.U. So Patton quotes, whatever they are, are irrelevant.

We must find another guy Okay. Who?